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The right and wrong way to change your oil....


 
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CoreyXJ
Turkish
Turkish


Joined: 20 Jan 2004
Location: Louisville, KY

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:36 pm    Post subject: The right and wrong way to change your oil.... Reply with quote

OIL CHANGE

Oil Change Instructions for Women

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage
reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later write a check and leave
with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00
===================================================

Oil Change Instructions For Men

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts
store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner
and a scented tree, write check for $50.00.

2. Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write
a check for $20.00, drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for
jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash
hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil
off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a
screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil
filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.

17. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash
in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.

18. Neighbor shows up; finish case of beer
with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see
his new garage door opener.

19. Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta
finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from
underneath car.

20. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard
instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle.

21. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 20.

22. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

23. Install new oil filter making sure to
apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

25. Remember drain plug from step 11.

26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

27. Remember that the used oil is buried in a
hole in the back yard along with drain plug.

28. Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for
drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole.

29. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly
cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties.

30. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

31. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is
now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

32. Drink beer.

33. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into
eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.

34. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

35. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to
step 34. Begin cussing fit.

36. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

37. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because
wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.

38. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as
required to stop blood flow.

39. Beer.

40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41. Beer.

42. Lower car from jack stands.

43. Accidentally crush remaining case of new
motor oil.

44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter
to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

45. Beer.

46. Test drive car.

47. Get pulled over. Arrested for driving
under the influence.

48. Car gets impounded.

49. Call loving wife, make bail.

50. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money Spent

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $40.00

Total $4165.00

But you know the job was done right!
_________________
"Get busy living, or get busy dying..." - C.W.

"Do what you love to do...the money will eventually follow" - I. Larry
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WhatWasIThinkin
Member


Joined: 02 Jan 2004
Location: Epping New Hampsha

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn Straight!
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Real Jeeps dont wear Bra's
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95sahara
Member


Joined: 08 Oct 2004
Location: Kittanning, PA

PostPosted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 9:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's one of the funniest things I've read in a few days! I'll have to print that out and show it to the guys at work!
_________________
06 Rubicon
4" RC sus. lift, 1" PA BL
Warn rear bumper/carrier, Xenon flat fender flares, Warn 9.5Ti winch
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